That Me/You – You/Me Thing

Feeling bad for getting in trouble because you’re not behaving as someone else thinks you should is… stupid.

A massive, massive portion of hurt feelings and feuds and grumbles are caused because someone doesn’t handle a situation in a way that another person feels that it should be handled – or in a way that they would expect the “perpetrator” to have handled it.

With the exception of psychotics, junkies and true assholes, people generally do the right thing – as they see it or as their life and experiences dictate. Now, the very nature of “as they see it” means that the “right thing” is individualized and therefore deserves it’s own set of quotation marks.

If we are to believe that humans are, by nature, good – then we have to believe that most everyone is just doing what they have to do to make it in this world and do the “right thing.”

But what happens when someone does the “wrong thing?” We get bent. We yell or cut them off or make them feel… bad.

Why? Because they didn’t behave the way that you thought they would or should? If they’re a good person doing the “right thing” then why get mad?

YOUR expectation wasn’t met.

Maybe the other person’s was. What makes them wrong and you correct?

Absolutely nothing but your belief that they should have done things differently. More like you, or more like you expected them to do.

We’re not talking about the big sins – but in a lot of ways, this even applies to those big sins (murder, mayhem, buck nekkid in the streetz, etc.,) except that we’ve reached a consensus that some things are bad.

If you have an expectation, there will always (mathematically) be an opportunity for that expectation to be dashed. You can get pissed and scream and yell and point blame. In most instances – the expectation is to blame.

When you let someone down, you know if you have let them down from lack of trying or circumstances or disinterest or forgetfulness – and you have to live with knowing you let them down for a reason that you actually have control over.

If someone feels that you let them down or disappointed them but you know that you did your best and did the “right thing,” it’s really and truly THEIR problem.

But… we’ll still yell and try to make each other feel bad for not being each other, or for not fulfilling what someone else’s (often unfounded or wide of the mark) expectations of who or what you are.

I’m not you. You’re not me. Your expectations of me are based on history and your own views and opinions of me. I can’t control that.

I’m not you. You’re not me.